Hi it’s Buddy the elf, what’s your favorite color?

-….Buddy the Elf

Hello, Buddy. It’s a tough call, but I’d have to say my favourite colour is purple. Sorry, can you just let go of my beard…

One of those anons was me, Buddy the Elf.
I love singing.

Okay, Buddy. That’s very nice. Would you mind not sitting on my lap, please? What do you mean my chair is a throne of lies?

firebolting:

(Source: starkreactor)

I’ve found that taking on a lover of some sorts will always spice things up. I believe many prefer those of the Latino type, though it might just be because “Latino lover” is alliterative and such fun to say!

However, if you’re not into that kind of thing underage, try knitting yourself a pair of socks. The thicker the better. 

Have fun,

Dear Troposphere Treader,

Your life sounds an awfully lot like the George Lucas film series Star Wars. I’d suggest picking up an intellectual property lawyer and suing. Money might give your life meaning.

Though I am one of those that believes a good club outing will make anyone feel better. Perhaps, if your father is as shady as you say, he could be lying. Why don’t you try one of those DEENAAA tests you Muggles use to determine genetic heritage? Pluck a few eyelashes when she’s not looking. 

Forever fabulous,

firebolting:

(via starkreactor)

Anonymous asked: Dear Albus,

Someone once told me it was hilarious to substitute the word wand for wang so I did it and it provided me with a solid half-hour of entertainment. But now I can't seem to stop saying wang instead of wand and nobody will talk to me because I'm just that kid who tells everyone all about his wangwork. What should I do?

- Wangster

Dear Wangster,

There are two routes you can take. One, you could tell everyone that you are of Chinese descent. Two, and I’d advise you to do this, replace the word “wang” with “willy”. It is a harmless name and will ensure that your friends talk to you once again. Have fun willy-ing. 

Best of luck,

Albus